ineke.co.uk

Amazon should have a system, for repeat customers, where stuff comes in reusable boxes, and they take away the boxes with your next delivery. And bloody reuse them. Sort that out Bezos, you rich space twat.

— Rob Manuel 🍳 (@robmanuel) August 13, 2021

Ahhh this is so lovely! And congratulations to your sister and brother-in-law. https://t.co/QMsPx1AxPR

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) August 14, 2021

Quite ironic that a question about ITV quiz shows has everyone confused on an ITV quiz show… #WhoWantsToBeAMillionaire

— Amy Jo McLellan (@AmyJoSays) August 14, 2021

They Mike Wazowski’d me?! 🤣 https://t.co/nZfKWfL3Ea

— Tom Fletcher (@TomFletcher) August 15, 2021

Alexa. Show me just how morally bankrupt this government is. https://t.co/y109RChL7n

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) August 15, 2021

The Taliban have taken most of Afghanistan back in a week but parliament needs til Wednesday to arrange a five hour chat about it.

— Alexander Brown (@AlexofBrown) August 15, 2021

I prefer the term 'mobile libraries' but hey-ho 🤪 pic.twitter.com/wK3ZlZTkOA

— Simon MacMichael 🏳️‍🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🇮🇹🇪🇺❤️💙🚲 (@simonmacmichael) August 15, 2021

Kabul Airport this morning. https://t.co/U90fo6Pw1T

— Shiv Aroor (@ShivAroor) August 16, 2021

Was it worth it, probably not. Did I lose my legs for nothing, looks like it. Did my mates die in vain. Yep. On my 11th Bangaversary it’s a very somber one. Many emotions going through my head, anger, betrayal sadness to name a few…. pic.twitter.com/xNkjZ9qqe6

— Jack Cummings (@Jack_Top4997) August 14, 2021

Romsey beat team are out on foot in the town tonight. Lovely light show at the beautiful Abbey. Not scary at all 😬🤪😬 #Romseypolice pic.twitter.com/lgGgoqBUSa

— Romsey Police (@RomseyPolice) August 15, 2021

We’re 100% upgrading our cones to these.

Just please don’t run them over! https://t.co/UAkOuEbLV9

— Roads Policing – Surrey Police – UK (@SurreyRoadCops) August 16, 2021

So devastating. What a terrible visual symbol of the abandonment of the people of Afghanistan. https://t.co/LMeG3XtkoG

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) August 16, 2021

Took one hour and 36 minutes to write this tweet and upload this photo?
Or maybe, given the different times on the clock and watch, it was a belated, hastily assembled piece of gesture politics? pic.twitter.com/eLIdTRbijn

— Kamal Prashar (@kampra) August 16, 2021

IT IS LITERALLY THE GAME PLAN OF FARAGE AND GB NEWS FOR YOU TO RETWEET THEM IN DISGUST. STOP IT. STOP IT. STOP IT.

— @mrchrisaddison@dizl.de (@mrchrisaddison) August 16, 2021

Yes, I think, the contestant was embarrassed to be saying it, but in that situation the easy solution is to all agree he scored 7 points and to retake with a different answer. We've done that a couple of times with 'correct' answers.

— Richard Osman (@richardosman) August 16, 2021

“Murphy’s Law” is that anything that can go wrong, will go wrong…

“Cole’s Law” is shredded cabbage…#ThisWeeksDadJoke #ImSorry

— Sam Quek (@SamanthaQuek) August 16, 2021

“Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.” pic.twitter.com/PtnsPVe4j4

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) August 16, 2021

Did Biden just victim blame an entire Country

— Tom Jamieson (@jamiesont) August 16, 2021

Seems legit… pic.twitter.com/cRM5BvXkEK

— not the bible (@thenotthebible) August 16, 2021

"Dereliction of duty"@BorisJohnson pic.twitter.com/yVj0VJpEx8

— Russ Jones (@RussInCheshire) August 16, 2021

That’ll be the Magna Carta which has never been part of Scots law as it was signed into English law 500 years before the union between England & Scotland then https://t.co/1vBIO1FNl6

— Mitch Benn (@MitchBenn) August 17, 2021

The UK supply chain is having a bit of a ‘mare right now. This is having a knock-on effect with some of our restaurants across England, Scotland and Wales. We are doing everything we can to get the PERi-PERi back where it belongs – on your plates!

— Nando's (@NandosUK) August 17, 2021

God of mercy, we raise to you all the people of Afghanistan, especially all who are in danger, those who fear the future, and all who mourn.

Comfort them with your healing Spirit, and grant them the peace that the world cannot give. Amen.

— Archbishop of Canterbury (@JustinWelby) August 17, 2021

I think the Foreign Secretary shouldn’t look so proud to say ‘no-one saw this coming’ about something it was his job to see coming.

— Matt Haig (@matthaig1) August 18, 2021

"The Afghan mission has been a success" – Boris Johnson

"People forget that 95% of the Titanic's maiden voyage was very pleasurable cruising" – Alan Partridge

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) August 18, 2021

I wish I had the words to describe the exceptional man that was Sean Lock. But today I don’t, and I think he might have liked it that way.

— Susie Dent (@susie_dent) August 18, 2021

As sad as it is when someone famous dies, it’s always so heartwarming to see a person that you may not have known but always thought seemed lovely is proved to be just that by the outpouring of love and admiration for them and the lovely stories and anecdotes shared about them.

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) August 18, 2021

He's right. You can't write tears. And right now I don't have the words. A brilliant comedian and a lovely man. RIP Sean Lock. https://t.co/mhVIrlMlmr

— Adam Hills (@adamhillscomedy) August 18, 2021

I think Sean Lock’s first ever Twitter post (and he only ever posted one other tweet) sums him up beautifully. pic.twitter.com/kxw1h8n2pu

— Amanda (@Pandamoanimum) August 18, 2021

'I looked round and all the comics on the bill had come out to watch him. We don’t do that for just anyone.' This is a wonderful tribute https://t.co/fydUnBGrd0

— Alice Jones (@alicevjones) August 18, 2021

A beautiful tribute to Sean Lock by Harry Hill https://t.co/goTlbtL4Xc pic.twitter.com/FZw1mOFIOC

— Scott Bryan (@scottygb) August 18, 2021

Sean Lock on NASA pic.twitter.com/8cFaAqP6q0

— Mike (@Mike_P_Williams) August 18, 2021

The final routine of the set would end with “Because I am… THE RIDDLER!”, at which point he’d tear his shirt open and drop his trousers to reveal he was in a full, green Riddler suit. He told me that it worked about half the time, and the other half they’d just stare. Genius. https://t.co/ZxHRFhrqZY

— @mrchrisaddison@dizl.de (@mrchrisaddison) August 18, 2021

It’s at least something that the UK has promised to take 20,000 Afghan refugees over 5 years.

In unrelated news, the government only took 350 out of the 3000 child refugees they promised to take.

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) August 18, 2021

Boris Johnson is right to say the Afghan mission was a success. In the same way that his Covid response was a "massive success", Test & Trace "world-beating" and his Brexit deal was "oven ready" and would "get Brexit done".

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) August 18, 2021

In the same way that you can’t use three wishes to ask for more wishes, you aren’t allowed to use a 3D printer to make a 3D printer

— Sanjeev Kohli (@govindajeggy) August 18, 2021

Priti Patel’s own parents left persecution in Uganda to come here. In 1972, Ted Heath agreed to take in 28,000 Ugandan Asians fleeing Idi Amin. 28,000 in one year, despite the protests of Enoch Powell.
And the daughter of that generation does them a dishonour. https://t.co/nZtX0n6ttx

— Aditya Chakrabortty (@chakrabortty) August 18, 2021

We only rate dogs. This is clearly a Roomba… 12/10 pic.twitter.com/6Nf9nPXz2c

— WeRateDogs (@dog_rates) August 18, 2021

He's talking overall numbers, not this week. Highly misleading. https://t.co/x3r5Eic1Aj

— Catherine Philp (@scribblercat) August 18, 2021

“You look tired”
.
.
Me: pic.twitter.com/8cGfHb9fsf

— Adi (@IDdocAdi) August 17, 2021

Interesting bedtime chat with my 3 year old tonight: “daddy, I had a family a long time ago & my mummy was called Sochi & I was called Anke but then I died & now I’m with your family,” Anyway, if anyone needs me, I’ll be up cleaning the pants I just shat for the rest of the night

— Dan Schreiber (@Schreiberland) August 19, 2021

A reminder that Dominic Raab, who lay on a beach, too lazy to make phone calls that could have saved lives, once accused British workers of being “among the worst idlers in the world”. #ResignRaab

— David Schneider (@davidschneider) August 20, 2021

This is not a new hospital. They just can’t help lying. It’s a new cancer unit as part of an existing hospital, Carlisle Infirmary, Cumbria., https://t.co/2Sk5bdxtmu

— Kate Wilton (@KateWilton1) August 19, 2021

I don't know about you guys but I always have a photographer handy when I'm talking on the phone. pic.twitter.com/20kIbiPxPT

— joe heenan (@joeheenan) August 20, 2021

Ok so now we’ve established he does know how to use a phone. We can eliminate that line of inquiry. pic.twitter.com/cxNQ0iRqdU

— Stephen Mangan (@StephenMangan) August 20, 2021